Fifteen Criterions That I Wish Were Real

The Criterion Collection is responsible for releasing some of the highest quality DVDs and Blu-Rays available today. One of my favorite parts of their products are their awesome covers. While browsing around the internet today I came across a website called Fake Criterions that, as the title suggests, makes fake criterion covers for films that have yet to be released by the collection. I ended up looking through all 68 pages of its incredible content and got an idea. Below are fifteen of the fake Criterions that I saw that I wish would actually be released by Criterion.

2001: A Space Odyssey

The monolith, the red circle of HAL in the “o”, the sci-fi font, the perfect screenshot. No better way to capture the film.

Badlands 

Somehow manages to capture the beauty of a Terrence Malick film. Also a remastered blu-ray version of this be incredible.

Boogie Nights

The Criterion collection needs some Paul Thomas Anderson. Also the cover is an excellent color scheme applied to the opening shot of the film. It feels 70’s.

Black Swan

Perfect. It is perfect.

Drive 

All of the best shots showcased on one incredible cover.

Hot Fuzz

Simon Pegg is a stone cold badass. That is all.

I’m Not There

Interesting coloring plus all of the major characters shown on one cover. No other way to describe it except awesome.

Lost In Translation

No shot better captures the entire essence of the film than the shot shown here.

Mulholland Drive

The perfect image to capture the eery and weird feel of this film.

Persona

Considering how they have essentially every other Ingmar Bergman film in the criterion collection it’s long overdue that they add Persona. As for the cover there is no better way to showcase this film than by using just still shots of the excellent cinematography.

Raging Bull

The collection is clearly lacking in Scorsese and what better film to help with that problem than Raging Bull?

Revolutionary Road

Probably my favorite cover on the list.

The Shining

The more Kubrick in the collection, the better.

There Will Be Blood

That red bowling combined with the shot Daniel Day-Lewis is pretty dark and haunting.

The Tree Of Life

A beautiful film like this deserves to be released on a beautiful Criterion blu-ray.

Finally I’ve saved the best for last. An extra cover that I found too spectacular to ignore:

Titanic

Just about as good as the film itself.

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8 thoughts on “Fifteen Criterions That I Wish Were Real

  1. Honestly thought that Badlands was already on Criterion? Ah well, they’re all pretty cool – some I’m not so much a fan of. The Titanic one is hilarious, though.

    • I wish Badlands was in Criterion. That’d be great. Also I think that cover pretty much encapsulates Titanic as a whole. First time I saw it I genuinely laughed out loud.

  2. Beautiful, all of them! Can’t believe Persona isn’t Criterion? My favorite fake Criterion though was when the website pretended to be releasing Kindergarten Cop on April Fools Day. They definitely have a sense of humor over there.

    • It seems like everyone wants Persona in the collection. Hopefully they’ll make it happen. That Kindergarten Cop cover was one of my favorite April Fools this year. Criterion is just an awesome company all-around.

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